The time I wrote a 9/11 Speech for Trump:
My fellow Americans,
It is 9/11 and I know you all know it is a big day. Very big day. Important day. Historical. You all remember it, right. We saw it on TV. The planes and explosion, lots of explosions. Bang bang, Bing bong. Wow!
People even saw it in Michigan, a state I won that no one thought I could win, but I did. They said, "Donald, you will never beat Hillary". Well we proved them wrong. A lot of states I won saw this thing on TV. It was all over the news. On all the stations. Even the fake news. That is how big it was. Great ratings!
The people who did this, bad people, bad hombres. What is Arab for hombre? Anyone know? If you do know I will deport you because you shouldn't know. These people, they did this and that is why I still allow people from THEIR country into our country but I block other people. I have a big brain, a very good brain and it makes sense to me. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, even closer than that if they have funding for your hotels.
To commemorate this attack on America I am issuing, and I can’t even believe it myself, a limited edition, RED 9/11 hat that you can buy for $91.11 on my website. We all love hats, right? There is a guy up there, a black guy with a red hat on. The fake media will tell you we paid him to wear that hat. We didn’t, and if we did pay him we wouldn’t be paying him less then the white guy next to him that we also didn't pay to be wearing the same hat, I can promise you that.
Remember New York is stronger since 9/11. My hotels are doing just great. I can’t even tell you how full they are. Not a single room available, and the property I purchased during those down years are now worth a fortune. I sell them to Russians at HUGE profits. H U G E!. Funny since I don’t know any Russians, but blame the fake media for bringing that lie up. Sure some terrorist attacks are bad but some are good. Some are very good attacks, I suspect.
In closing... America is great. Buy a hat, soon to be made in the USA, and remember my ban does nothing to keep anyone from the country that supplied funding and personal for this attack… what was it? Something like 15 out of 19 were Saudi? Lets just say all of them. Well they did this really big, the biggest ever, I think. Explosion. Oh, it was big. The biggest attack on our soil. That is why I am punishing foreigners. Ask my wife Malaria, she feels punished year in and year out.
As your President I will protect Americans even as I take away your clean water, voting rights and ability to find prenatal, or let’s be honest, any sort of heath care. I’m a giver. I love everyone! That is why I run beauty pageants, because I love girls from all over the world. I love to grab them by the pussy no matter what country their pussies are from. I love the Japanese, Nazis, Jews. No, not really on the Jews. I mean, Jarred? Boy it is confusing! And Ivanka?! Converted! I don’t get it. FOX news says I can’t be an anti-Semite because my daughter is Jewish, but you know what? I really can be. America!
Anyway folks, that is why I am blocking people from Libya, Sudan, Syria, Iran, Yemen and Somalia. Don’t even get me started on Somalia. What a mess. Not as bad as Detroit but a mess. Somalia has no building regulations. Total free market. We love the free market, right. Lets hear it for the free market. Who wants to buy a red hat?
My fellow Americans,
It is 9/11 and I know you all know it is a big day. Very big day. Important day. Historical. You all remember it, right. We saw it on TV. The planes and explosion, lots of explosions. Bang bang, Bing bong. Wow!
People even saw it in Michigan, a state I won that no one thought I could win, but I did. They said, "Donald, you will never beat Hillary". Well we proved them wrong. A lot of states I won saw this thing on TV. It was all over the news. On all the stations. Even the fake news. That is how big it was. Great ratings!
The people who did this, bad people, bad hombres. What is Arab for hombre? Anyone know? If you do know I will deport you because you shouldn't know. These people, they did this and that is why I still allow people from THEIR country into our country but I block other people. I have a big brain, a very good brain and it makes sense to me. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, even closer than that if they have funding for your hotels.
To commemorate this attack on America I am issuing, and I can’t even believe it myself, a limited edition, RED 9/11 hat that you can buy for $91.11 on my website. We all love hats, right? There is a guy up there, a black guy with a red hat on. The fake media will tell you we paid him to wear that hat. We didn’t, and if we did pay him we wouldn’t be paying him less then the white guy next to him that we also didn't pay to be wearing the same hat, I can promise you that.
Remember New York is stronger since 9/11. My hotels are doing just great. I can’t even tell you how full they are. Not a single room available, and the property I purchased during those down years are now worth a fortune. I sell them to Russians at HUGE profits. H U G E!. Funny since I don’t know any Russians, but blame the fake media for bringing that lie up. Sure some terrorist attacks are bad but some are good. Some are very good attacks, I suspect.
In closing... America is great. Buy a hat, soon to be made in the USA, and remember my ban does nothing to keep anyone from the country that supplied funding and personal for this attack… what was it? Something like 15 out of 19 were Saudi? Lets just say all of them. Well they did this really big, the biggest ever, I think. Explosion. Oh, it was big. The biggest attack on our soil. That is why I am punishing foreigners. Ask my wife Malaria, she feels punished year in and year out.
As your President I will protect Americans even as I take away your clean water, voting rights and ability to find prenatal, or let’s be honest, any sort of heath care. I’m a giver. I love everyone! That is why I run beauty pageants, because I love girls from all over the world. I love to grab them by the pussy no matter what country their pussies are from. I love the Japanese, Nazis, Jews. No, not really on the Jews. I mean, Jarred? Boy it is confusing! And Ivanka?! Converted! I don’t get it. FOX news says I can’t be an anti-Semite because my daughter is Jewish, but you know what? I really can be. America!
Anyway folks, that is why I am blocking people from Libya, Sudan, Syria, Iran, Yemen and Somalia. Don’t even get me started on Somalia. What a mess. Not as bad as Detroit but a mess. Somalia has no building regulations. Total free market. We love the free market, right. Lets hear it for the free market. Who wants to buy a red hat?