Stories & Articles by Ted Meyer

MOMA
First Published in Coagula Art Journal     



Putting a price on any art is subjective. Every artist believes their work is undervalued, while those critiquing it feel that with nothing more that a Crayola Color 64 Box they could do better (see Basquiat).
So if a single painting is hard to price, how can you judge the value of a whole museum? How could you put a price on an artistic Mecca that will draw in art lovers the world over AND affords you the opportunity to see works by Otto Dix, Oskar Schlemmer, Max Beckmann, and Diego Rivera all by just spinning around? A place where a Rousseau painting is almost ignored because it is only two paintings away from Picasso’s Starry Night?

Well I just discovered that New Yorkers seem to have no problem putting a value on this magical place, the newly refurbished MOMA.

“Ya knowz…it’s twanntee dallahs now,”

“Its TWENTY DOLLARS. Don’t you think that is a bit much?”

“MOMA, what a rip,”
“They ain’t gettin’ me to pay no twenty fuckin’ bucks for no fuckin’ museum. I got a house full a pick-assos anyway.”

Okay, that guy was just some crazy homeless guy outside the museum and I
doubt he had either a Picasso or twenty dollars but he did seem to crystallize the feelings of most--if not all of the people--I told I was going to see the museum.

I have ta tell ya, I’m bit surprised that my New York friends were so indignant about the new admission price. They’re the ones who always ride me about moving to LA. “Ya got no culture out der,” they remind me, yet seem to feel that paying for the culture they love so dearly isn’t worth it.

I must disagree. The new building… beautiful. The collection… one great painting after another, and it all seemed well worth the price. You could spend the whole day in there. So lets see… twenty dollars divided by 6 hours. That comes to a mere $3.33 per hour. My cat pukes up more expensive hairballs.

Twenty bucks in New York dollars is like five dollars in Iowa dollars. It’s nothing. A New York martini runs about $18 and that’s gone in 10 minutes. Don’t even get me started on the price of a frappuccino. To see all that art you should have to pay like $100--no, $120. You’d pay $150 to see the Stones at The Garden and the acoustics there suck. How much were tickets for Taboo? I don’t know. No one knows cuz no one went but I’d bet more than twenty dollars. A meal at Benny’s Burritos will run you twenty dollars with tip--and that is a burrito for heaven’s sake. Seeing a giant Wilfredo Lamb is clearly worth the price of a burrito.

So lets review. Yes, it would be wonderful if museums were free but when a burrito dinner is the same price as admission to a world-class museum and no one bitches about the price of the burrito, then my friends--we got trouble in River City.

Okay New York, here is my solution to your pricing dilemma. You guys gotta stop bragging about being some highbrow cultural center. Admit that you have fallen from artistic grace. You New Yorkers are sinking so low that you seem willing to spend $1.4 billion on a new stadium for the Jets but bitch about $20 to get into MOMA. In 40 years, when you have to tear that stadium down because the Jets whine that the skyboxes aren’t big enough anymore--MOMA will still be standing and looking wonderful. Picasso will be comfy and warm on his wall and that twenty dollars will seem like nothing.